First Doctor Appointment

Hey little one well its been about 2 weeks and lot has happen since then. Things have been pretty crazy around here. Your mommy won us a free mini vacation before we knew about you so we went and ended up buying a timeshare. Hopefully you have fun when we take you there. I cant wait to teach you to snowboard and take you tubing. If you're anything like me you'll definitely enjoy it. While we were out there we got some pretty bad news about mommies grandma so we came home early. Mommies Grandma was sick and had to have surgery. It sucks because she's such a nice person and means so much to mommy. It was hard watching mommy cry knowing there wasn't anything I could do about it. It's one of those things you'll learn, sometimes no matter what, there's going be times when you cant make it better. You've been really picky about what you'll let mommy eat. You've been making her throw up almost everything. She's convinced you're girl because you crave all these different foods but you never let her keep them down. I think you just want her to have them twice. Mommy spent a few days in Pennsylvania while me and your brothers hung out at home. It was fun but we missed you guys. Things are the same when mommy isn't here. Today we had your first doctor appointment. It was interesting but mostly over my head. I just sat there wondering about what things will be like when you get here. They asked a lot of questions about genetic history and mommy took some test to make sure there isn't anything we should be careful about with you. We have another appointment on Valentines Day. Hopefully we get to see you for the first time. I think that will be the best gift we could get. I'm excited about seeing your for the 1st time but really nervous too. I think seeing you and hearing your heart beat will make you really real for me. I'm getting use to the thought of you being here but I'm pretty nervous about being your father. I guess somethings come very easy for me and I'm pretty confident about most things. You little one make me extremely uneasy. I cant help but wonder if the way I do things is right. There's no how to book on being a good parent or at least I haven't read it yet. I just want to make sure you get the life that you deserve. Everyone says it'll be fine and I'll be good at but I'm not sure. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. It's easy with your brothers but most of the time i don't think I'm doing that right either. I don't feel like we have that bond that we should and I'm scared things will be like that with you too. I'm sure mommy thinks I'm too hard on them and maybe I am but I just want them to be good kids. I was so scared having them by myself for those days mommy was away. I was so worried that they would hurt themselves or something. I guess I'm just rambling now. I love you little one

January 5th

Today your 1st doctors appointment was schedule. January 17th. Your mom thinks we will be able to hear your heart beat that day. I'm excited. I read more about how you are developing. I'm still pretty nervous. This is a huge thing for me. With your brothers it was pretty easy they weren't babies when I came into their lives and breaking them didn't seem like a big possibility but you're going to be so small and fragile. Everyone thinks you're going to be a girl. I don't really care either way I just want you to be healthy. Mom went to bed early and I decided to start this blog for you. I want you to be able to see how you've changed me. A year ago you weren't even a thought now I'm trying to prepare for you. You scare me little one. I've never failed at anything I attempted to be good at but you will be the biggest task I've ever taken on and the most important one too.I don't have a blueprint or road map for you. You wont come with directions and I cant give up or start over so I have one shot at getting you right. I think I'm up for the challenge. 

January 3rd

Your mom woke up and peed on another stick just to be sure that it wasn't a fluke. I laid in the bed and she handed it to me. PREGNANT that proved to me you were legit. She wanted to post to Facebook about you but I made her wait until I told Mama Chris. Mama Chris is my Grandmother and the greatest person I've ever known. Mom had to go to the doctor so they could confirm you and I had to go to work. I got to work and decided I needed to make phone calls, I called Mama Chris and Aunt Jackie and they both were happy to hear about you. I told your mom it was ok to let the world know about you now and she posted a picture of her pee stick on Facebook. The caption read "and a baby makes five" or something along those lines. I posted as well. Everyone was congratulating us on having you. Honestly it was a shocker for most people. I was always saying I would never have kids not that I didn't want you but I didn't have a dad when I grew up. My dad died when I was very young and so your Mama Chris and your Aunts helped your Grandma raise me. I sat most of the day being nervous and excited about you.  By the end of the day I was pretty worn out. I stopped at the store and looked at baby things. Then came home and took a nap.

When your mom got home we decided it was time to tell your brothers that you were coming. Charlie was 5 and Alex was 4. So we sat down and started dinner. I wasn't sure how to tell them so I whispered to Charlie. "mommy has a baby in her tummy". He smiled and you mom told him we didn't know whether you were going to be a boy or a girl. He said "God decides that right" we both said yes and the secret was out. I called your Aunt Courtney to tell her about you she was happy to hear the news. Your grandma called me and told me how excited she was and how she couldn't wait for you to get here. Everyone important to us knew that we were having you.

After everyone went to be I sat up alone thinking about you. There were so many questions running through my head. Nick had given me some books to read that he bought before Issac was born. Read through them and they were tell me about what was going on with you at the stage you were in. I was very excited about you but very nervous.

January 2nd 2012

So there I was sitting on the couch relaxing. Your mom came downstairs and said "here look at this" reaching out and grabbing the stick from her hand I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to be looking at. I knew it was a pregnancy test but I didn't know how to read the damn thing. So as I stared at it and tried to figure out what I was supposed to be seeing I asked "What am I looking at", "you don't see the line" she replied. Honestly I could see shit She told me it was faint but it was there, so I looked from a couple of different angles and tried using different lights but I didn't see it. She decided she was going to go show Christina and ran out the door. At this point I was a little skeptical because we'd been through this before. No big deal. She came back 45 minutes later and went up to the bedroom. 5 minutes or so later she came back down and handed me another stick. "Can you read that" she asked. There it was no question about it the stick read PREGNANT. I shook it a few times thinking maybe it wasn't done and the NOT would pop up but nothing happen. In that moment everything had changed. I've known your mom for years. We started out as friends working in the same section in our Marine Corps unit. We were both married to different people and never thought of each other as anything more. I moved to Virginia and got out of my first Marriage while her and your brothers were still living in NC. When she moved to Va she was a single mom with 2 kids and things took off from there. No need to go into how we got together because I'm sure you'll here that story a shit ton of times over the course of your life. Just know that the day she stuck that stick in my face your parents were married and trying to bring you into the world.

Your mom was so excited she couldn't contain herself. She was smiling and very happy. I was happy but overwhelmed at the same time. Unsure is more like it. While your mom text messaged all her close family and friends to tell them the news I sat and tried grasp what was really going on. I made sure that the news of you didn't get to wide spread. I knew there were people I needed to tell myself. Overall everyone was happy with the news that we would be having you. I think the reactions she got from some people weren't exactly what she wanted but she was very happy about having you.We grabbed your brothers and went over to Nick and Christina's for some Chinese food to celebrate. I was still in shock from the news of you and trying to get a hold of it. We ate and smiled and enjoyed knowing that soon we would bring you into the world. You my friend were loved from the very first moment we knew about you.

Welcome to my journey

Come take a walk with me. I decided to write this for my unborn child, so one day they could read and understand how they helped me evolve and become a more of a man.